Think about how most couples plan their special day. They usually begin with a no-holds-barred philosophy, or (heaven forbid) a credit card approach to financing the wedding. Charge it! has become the latest fad in wedding planning, but couples who finance their weddings on plastic can quickly discover that their marriage is in bigger trouble than their bank account.
Banks have even gotten into the act and have parlayed the wedding craze into a billion-dollar industry. Now couples can sign up for specially designed “wedding loans” that can help them to finance the wedding of their dreams, only to discover later that they cannot afford a loan for a house, a car, or an education. In short, their wedding loan has upended their ability to create a life together.
We’ll return to these concerns later in more detail, but suffice it to say that if a couple wants to go into wedding debt it’s easy to do… and there are many people and institutions that are eager to help them do it!
When it comes to the dollars in your wedding, you’re going to want to have some sense (not cents) about it. You’ll want to have a tightly knit plan that can help you emerge on the other side of the ceremony without having to mortgage your life.
Over the years, I have counseled hundreds of couples on their way to the altar. I’ve seen the best and worst in weddings and marriages. But there are some observations that have held true over time.
I have noted that weddings, like most everything else in life, tend to have trends, fads, and changes that are not unlike the changes we see in clothing styles, cars, or the desire for the latest electronic gadgets. A hundred years ago, when our great-grandparents and grandparents were getting married, ceremonies were generally quaint, simple, and brief. There were no five-thousand-seat auditoriums, no large reception halls, no catering services eager to meet the demand for three-course meals and decadent desserts. Many weddings in this day took place in living rooms or on lawns.
In our parents’ day, ceremonies had moved from the living room to the church, but it was not uncommon for couples to travel to an exotic location to get married or to elope. The large reception halls and banquet facilities had yet to come into being, and most weddings had a punch and cake reception.
Twenty-five years ago, when my wife and I got married (and all of our friends were also getting married it seemed) weddings tended to be quick, family-friendly affairs, still followed by a punch and cake reception. Some couples even opened their gifts at the reception and personally thanked their guests at that time. Larger weddings tended to include dancing and/or dinner, but those were rarer.
When it comes to the dollars in your wedding, you’re going to want to have some sense (not cents) about it. You’ll want to have a tightly knit plan that can help you emerge on the other side of the ceremony without having to mortgage your life.
Over the years, I have counseled hundreds of couples on their way to the altar. I’ve seen the best and worst in weddings and marriages. But there are some observations that have held true over time.
I have noted that weddings, like most everything else in life, tend to have trends, fads, and changes that are not unlike the changes we see in clothing styles, cars, or the desire for the latest electronic gadgets. A hundred years ago, when our great-grandparents and grandparents were getting married, ceremonies were generally quaint, simple, and brief. There were no five-thousand-seat auditoriums, no large reception halls, no catering services eager to meet the demand for three-course meals and decadent desserts. Many weddings in this day took place in living rooms or on lawns.
In our parents’ day, ceremonies had moved from the living room to the church, but it was not uncommon for couples to travel to an exotic location to get married or to elope. The large reception halls and banquet facilities had yet to come into being, and most weddings had a punch and cake reception.
Twenty-five years ago, when my wife and I got married (and all of our friends were also getting married it seemed) weddings tended to be quick, family-friendly affairs, still followed by a punch and cake reception. Some couples even opened their gifts at the reception and personally thanked their guests at that time. Larger weddings tended to include dancing and/or dinner, but those were rarer.
And why? It’s simple, really. For all three generations, life was much
different than today. There were few bridal stores. There were far fewer reception areas available and catering services had not yet come into vogue. DJs were just beginning to catch on as a craze: this was the age of vinyl records and eight-track tapes, and if music was provided at a reception, it had to be offered by real flesh and blood musicians (which were expensive). There were few wedding planners, no bank loans, and far fewer credit cards. And there was no way to compare products over the Internet or shop online!
Don’t misunderstand—this is not a diatribe about “the good old days” or a discussion about what we’ve lost or a lecture on how the younger generation has it so good. rather, it is helpful to understand that we do live in a time when all of us (younger and older alike—and this includes our great-grandparents!) have more choices than at any other time in human history. We can choose between hundreds of brands of shampoo and toothpaste. There are hundreds of hotels. There are more restaurants than ever before. And our choices also extend to weddings, receptions, honeymoons, and a long list of options for music, attire, and travel.
This is not cause for alarm, but celebration! In fact, I wish my wife and I could have had such a broad selection of options for our wedding.
The fact that there are so many choices for weddings today makes it doubly difficult, I feel, for couples to plot a clear course for a debtfree wedding. The plethora of choices isn’t a bad thing; it’s just that many couples get lost in the planning craze and can’t steer clear of the rocks or navigate around the shallows. There are so many bright lights shining in our eyes today, we often can’t tell the difference between a photo flash and a lighthouse (warning us of impending danger). It’s so easy to get caught up in the wedding that we lose sight of more important goals that involve our marriage and future.
Just a few years back I noted how this myriad of choices was continually fueling one engaged couple’s arguments. Jackson and Linda had done a good job of planning the wedding ceremony—which was simple yet elegant—but they were having serious problems navigating through the many choices regarding their attire, their transportation, and their honeymoon. every time one of them would offer an opinion, the other would chime in with the refrain, “But everyone does that! I want to do something unique!”
They continued to discuss their options, but couldn’t seem to settle on a plan that was in line with their budget.
Jackson wanted his men to wear alternating white and black tuxe does (with checkerboard shoes nonetheless) but Linda wanted her bridesmaids to be dressed alike. They were looking at various wedding cakes, but Jackson insisted on chocolate, while Linda wanted coconut. And they were even further apart when it came to planning the dream honeymoon.
“Too many choices,” Jackson said at one point. “That’s the problem.”
Indeed, many of the best-laid plans and budgets go awry as soon as a couple faces the daunting challenge of making choices. Planning a wedding can be like walking onto a used car lot and being bombarded by fifty salesmen who are all trying to close a deal. everyone—from the bridal store clerk to the stationery printer—has his hand out, urging the eager couple to sign up, write a check, or slap it on the charge card. And, due to the intense competition for popular restaurants and reception areas, many couples begin going into debt months (even years) before the wedding day.
So how can you avoid that?
